I owe everything to God!
So it was not possible to take a picture of my spirit/soul/heart. However my inward was changed my outward has also. It kind of followed suit. Today I am celebrating about one year since the day I was born again and gave my life to Christ. Last year around this time my entire life was going to change, little did I know. The worst time in my life turned into the moment that changed my heart for ever. For the better. I was in a 4 year long relationship with the man I though I would marry. He broke my heart. It was not all his fault though. I chose to make him the center of my focus, my life. My life revolves around him and us. So the day he decided to leave, my whole world “seemed” to fall apart. I was completely broken. My spirit was crushed. Because i made him everything. When he was gone it felt as though j had nothing. I fell into depression. My whole world has changed. I made the mistake of living with him before marriage. I was a very lost individual, together we were the blind leading the blind. He was my temporary fix to the brokenness And incompleteness I was running away from. I was desperate to have the void filled that I’d had since I was a young girl. Majority of the relationship was toxic. Moving on, I found myself trying to pick up the pieces with my now almost four year old son. I always desired to have the resilience this kid has. I’m sure he was effected but he was so strong through it all. I know that sounds silly but it’s almost like he knew I was hurting. He was my comfort, and my reminder. That I did have a reason to continue on with life and become a better person. Not let something tragic destroy me. Even though that was the exact purpose. My depression then turned into shame. This was not unfamiliar to me. I had felt with depression my entire life. But, this time was different. Something in me say “fight”!!! So I decided to go to church the Sunday following the break up. That day it was almost as if the pastor was speaking to only me. That sparked something in. It confirmed my earlier feeling that said to fight. Fight for freedom. Fight for the love that was gifted to me. Fight for the grace, forgiveness and mercy I deserved! Fight for the life Jesus died so that I could have. Give back the shame, discouragement and hatred towards myself. And except the love of Jesus and take on his AMAZING GRACE! Back to the day I went to church. A beautiful young woman walked up to be an introduced herself to me. We conversed a a little which lead to her inviting me to be apart of their youth group & worship team. Needless to say, I continued going. Shortly after woke one morning and called my pastor and asked if I could be baptized. Now looking back when I did that it all was though I was being led by the spirit. No my walk has not been easy BUT it has been every bit of worth it. I now have seen the change in me through Christ. I am no longer insecure. I am no longer broken. I am no longer worried about pleasing this world. I am no longer living for myself. I am a better mother. I love MORE. I am a better daughter & friend. I am happier. I no longer get depressed. (Unhappy at times yes, but not in the scope it used to be) I now want to live. Live to serve the one who made me, fearfully and wonderfully. My heart has been changed. My life has been changed. In the word it says,” the Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray.” I was his lost sheep. But he left the rest just to come and find me.:) he told me “but even before I was born, God called me by his marvelous grace!”Galatians 1; 15. He had made up for 23 years of brokenness and feelings of abandonment. He finally completed me. I stopped running away from him and started running to him. I am changed and I am unashamed!!!!! I have never experienced the peace that he gives me. No words can even really grasp the depth of love for Jesus and desire to know him grow with him and live for him. My gratitude and amazement is out of this world that a king could love ME and want me to be his daughter. But he does and he loves you too. So this is just the base of my testimony but I wanted to share it in hopes it touches and encourages someone. God has called us all. He is such a loving and faithful God. It doesn’t matter what your past looks like because through Christ we are spotless before the father. He can do in you what he has done in me. He is the only life that satisfies. No my life is not perfect now. No I am not perfect. Flawed and make mistakes. But the most important thing is my heart has changed. I have contentment through every season because I rest in Jesus. He is my number one and I live my life to represent and glorify him in the best way I can. In everything I do. So again I encourage you all believers and non believers alike. We are ALL called by his marvelous grace!!!! He is there waiting for you to seek him or to continue too. So that he can begin to change your heart and life in an extraordinary way. “For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.”proverbs 8; 35)Be blessed. Thanks for reading! #happytuesday